Hope you are well!
I have not been consistent with blogging at all, but I have been adamant not to put out content just for the sake of it. I was explaining this to a friend last week and she asked “why do you think you have writer’s block”… the thing is I have been writing posts just none I saw as worthy of posting. I started this blog when I was in a really challenging place and beginning to overcome those challenges. Now I feel I am in a place where nothing is really “wrong” so I have no groundbreaking testimony to share with you all. She said, “why don’t you share your current situation, it might help someone who feels the same”. So here we are…
I am in a weird place…
I am at a place where I tick a lot of boxes on paper but nothing feels completely right. A lot of the happiness I encounter feels very short lived. I feel anxious about the future and I am still healing from the past. My relationship with God is requiring me to submit more and more as I can’t seem to hide under ignorance anymore. I appreciate and love all my friends, but there is a void there. I lose and put on weight faster than I typed this sentence. I have a good job, but I feel unfulfilled. I have a blog and I rarely post. My skin has a mind of its own and the list goes on. Each of these “issues” on their own may seem very minor but combined can be very draining.
That’s exactly how I’ve felt… Drained. I am constantly tired both mentally and physically. I feel stuck; I am constantly torn between ‘be content your life is good’ and ‘fight and have faith you can achieve anything’ the latter of the two is very difficult when the time is not on your side and your relationship with God is suffering. The former is difficult because you are constantly trying to decide whether you’re really content on just complacent.
Stuck In The
I recently turned a year older (Virgo szn) and as much as I had A LOT to be grateful for I am quickly realising time waits for no one. Yes, past triumphs are great… but next? I can keep being proud of yesterday’s victory but today is a new day, what will I achieve? How do I keep momentum? How do I ensure I do not fall behind? Where will I be in 2 years time? Where will I be in 5 years time? What do I really want from life and what steps am I taking to get there?
Unlike many of my other posts, I am not writing this one as something I have been through and successfully overcome but I am definitely in the process. So I thought I’d share some things that have definitely made me feel better over the last few months.
- Honesty – This one is simple but difficult. I have been cutting off delusion and just being honest with myself (and sometimes others) with exactly how I feel. Accepting my thoughts is the first step to bettering them.
- Prayer/Word of God – This one is the most important for me. Whenever I am distant from God is when I am at my worst. I have been making more of an active effort with my relationship with God. I have been listing to sermons on YouTube as often as I can, listening to Gospel more and praying more. I found when I am just letting life live itself I tend to let go of certain disciplines, so taking control of what I do each day has really helped. On a Sunday night, I really carve out time to go on my knees to pray and worship God. This often brings me to tears, but I start the week on the best possible note, and God has really been showing his face! Matthew 6:33 | But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
- Gratitude – When I am talking to God now, I am always sure to mention I am grateful for where I am now and where I am going. Even in the midst of all you go through it is so important to acknowledge how God is still blessing you.
- Work on The Physical – One thing that often makes me feel crappy and blah… is my body. I love junk food but the love is certainly unrequited. Making sure I make a conscious effort to eat better; meal prepping, green tea, 2+ Liters of water daily. These things really do make a huge difference, once my body feels good I really do start to feel like a bad b. I have also recently signed up to the gym again, and because of the way my schedule is set up I can only go before work, and waking up at 5am is no fun, and sometimes I fail but I am refusing to give up! The feeling after the workout always makes it worthwhile.
- Being Better – One of my goals this year was to work on my relationships with people. Over the years people have been upset with me regarding my lack of / delayed responses to text messages or my inability to maintain relationships. So I have really been putting in more effort to check up on people and make regular contact with people. We can get very consumed with our own life and pursuits but I find great joy in letting people know how much I love them and maintaining healthy and positive friendships.
- Enjoy Moments – For some people this is second nature but for someone like myself who has a Ph.D. in overthinking and suffers from [social] anxiety, this can be challenging. But I have decided to just let someone moments happen, to live a little carefree and to “go with the flow” and for this reason, I have created some amazing memories this year.
- Be Realistic – A lot of time, when I start to feel down it is because of my worries for the future or my comparison to others I perceive to be doing better than myself. But what does this worrying, doubt and fear do? … nothing but hinder me! I have learned if I want things I have to make them happen. I am realistic about my goals and what time frame I can achieve them in. I write a to do a list of what I can do each week, I stretch myself but not to the point I feel overwhelmed.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more value than they? Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
So even if you feel stuck in the mud, pull your feet out, you’d be surprised at how much strength you actually have. Sometimes this may mean leaving your shoes (baggage) behind, but the freedom is absolutely worth it!